Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
