you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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