i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
