i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
