Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
