is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
