He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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