i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
