He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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