She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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