No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
