Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
