I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
