That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
