she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
