you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
