I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
