Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
