You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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