In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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