.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
