i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
