why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The adults are the big ones right?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
