I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
