im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
