I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
