handjob tips. give me some.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
