At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
