now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
