i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
