Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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