Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
