Dude my mom stole all your condoms
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
