My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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