If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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