I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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