He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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