I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
