Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
