I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
