he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
