She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
