I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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