Im at strip club and am horny
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
