Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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