I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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