it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
