I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
