I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
