I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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