All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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