loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
