Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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