he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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