Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
