i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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