Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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