it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
