if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
