if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
