I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
