I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
soo... how was my night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
