Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
