we have pet lesbian snakes
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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