so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
