Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
