every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
