Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.