Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high