Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(205): View more from Alabama

i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!

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(847): View more from Illinois

Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.

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(514): View more from Quebec

You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.

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(404): View more from Georgia

i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(512): View more from Texas

Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?

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(517): View more from Michigan

Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Can't find our DD

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!

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