Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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(319): View more from Iowa

The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours

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(970): View more from Colorado

And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again

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(253): View more from Washington

Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits

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(443): View more from Maryland

Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.

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