Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?